This has been a week that I am happy to be done with. This week my body definitely took a turn for the worst.
Things had been going okay, not great, but bearable. Then Tuesday I just went downhill. The throwing up started and I was just miserable. I became really emotional. In many ways things have just been harder this time. In many ways it's been great having Jacob here. He just warms my heart and puts a smile on my face. But it is also difficult when Jacob starts crying and I then start crying and life just gets hard.
I became discouraged faster this time than before. I think it's because I knew what I was in for. And just knowing that this was going to be my life not for days or even weeks but for months was a really discouraging thought.
The timing of this week was just also really bad. Mark got a really great opportunity with school. He had signed up for this competition and his team received third place. The top three teams were then selected to go and compete in front of a lot of really important people at the school and in the community. The presentation was Friday afternoon. So there was a lot of preparation involved. He was gone a lot. It was difficult for all of us. Mark felt bad leaving Jacob and I every day. And it was hard for me when I needed help so badly.
It was a difficult week.
Finally, I found something magical. I mean really magical. Last pregnancy when I had to go to the hospital they prescribed me some nausea medication that I was able to take the rest of my pregnancy. They were so helpful. They weren't given to me until I was about seventeen weeks pregnant anyway so the worst was behind me but they were still so helpful. I had kept the prescription bottle and there were six pills left.
By Thursday I just needed the help. I needed some relief. So I took one. And it was amazing. I was astounded by how much better I felt. I was no longer throwing up and even though the nausea was still there and I really couldn't do much of anything, it dulled it enough to make things bearable. I couldn't believe how much it changed my outlook on things. All of a sudden I was filled with hope that things could be okay. It was an amazing feeling.
The only problem is that I only have six pills. So I knew I had to make it last until my doctor's appointment which is Thursday. I've only been allowing myself to take one pill a day but even that has helped so much. It has made things so much more bearable. I don't know what I will do when I run out but at least I know relief exists. That thought alone brings me a lot of comfort.
Before I discovered the magic of my pills I had called up my Mom asking for help. I just needed someone else out here to help me. It was just too much for me to handle and Mark. And I felt horrible for Jacob. It broke my heart that I couldn't pick him up and snuggle him.
My Mom and Dad asked me if I would like to come and stay with them for awhile with Jacob. That was Mark could focus on school and we would be taken care of. The thought of being away from Mark was a long period of time made me incredibly sad. But it wasn't fair for me to ask my Mom to stay here with us when all we have to offer is a blow-up mattress in the middle of our living room.
So my Mom is coming out today to stay with us until my doctor's appointment and then Jacob and I will go back with her to Draper until I get feeling better. It will be difficult. We knew this would be difficult. But it's still hard for our little family. It's hard to think of this as our reality every time we want to have a child. But I also am very aware that everyone has trials and that I think almost everyone has struggles one way or another with growing their families. Whether it's getting pregnant, the pregnancy itself, or after the pregnancy. We all have our trials and pregnancy just happens to be mine.
Of course, we can't wait to see our little one. I feel blessed that I am able to have children. I hope that this week at my doctor appointment we will catch our first glimpse of our little one. I can't wait!!!
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