Today, Mark and I found out that we are expecting our second child! I can't believe it. Writing it for the first time doesn't even seem real. I am positive it has not hit me yet. Last night I was having all sorts of dreams about pregnancy and I woke up and just HAD to know. We were planning on waiting a couple more days to find out but I couldn't wait.
I'll tell you what, going in to take the test is filled with so many emotions. I just prayed right there on the bathroom floor that if it was a no, that I would be filled with a measure of peace and comfort and know that everything was in the hands of the Lord. And if it was a yes, that it would be a happy moment. That I wouldn't be filled with anxiety or dread for how the next eight months of my life would be but that I would think how blessed I was that our family was going to be growing.
When I saw that yes, I was ecstatic.
This pregnancy is a huge leap of faith. That's what it feels like to both Mark and I. We both wanted to have another baby...but we were scared. I think we are both a little scared still - maybe nervous is a better word. There is so much uncertainty. I feel like I talk about this so much, but we are so nervous about Mark's rotations this year. We don't know where we will be come September when the baby will arrive. Our finances are low. We are on a very tight budget and a baby is expensive. We were both nervous about my pregnancy. If it was like with Jacob, how would I take care of Jacob when I really can't even take care of myself? So much uncertainty. We were praying and praying and the crazy thing was that we didn't really get any concrete answers about how things were going to go. All I felt was that it was going to work out. I didn't know how I just knew that it would. And the truth we kind of realized was that our life for the next few years is filled with uncertainty. Even once Mark finishes school we could do a residency or immediately go into work. Who knows! And we just didn't feel like we should wait for everything to necessarily align up to continue to grow our little family. So a leap of faith we have taken.
It still doesn't seem real. I keep trying to remind myself that this is really happening.
We are thrilled though. Really we can't stop smiling today.
I can't wait to be able to feel a little one growing inside me again. I can't wait to see ultrasounds and imagine what they will look like. I can't wait to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I can't wait to hold another precious little child in my arms and know that they are mine forever. I can't wait to see Jacob as a big brother. I can't wait to be a family of four.
We can't wait for you to come little one. We love you already.
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