Wow...I have had so many thoughts the last week and a half it is hard to know where to begin. I guess first off I survived the first week and a half of my new job here in Denver - woot woot! It has been a hard and thought provoking week. My job has turned out to be slightly different then what I expected it to be - not necessarily bad - just different.
I spend about 45 minutes to an hour in seven different classes every day. It definitely makes the day go by pretty fast, however, it is also kind of exhausting in some ways too. I am the only "para" as they call me that has this type of schedule in the school. All of the other ones spend either the whole day in the same classroom or just split between two - one in the morning and in the afternoon.
After the first day, Mark was asking me how it went. And you know that feeling when you start a new job or a new class and it's kind of an unknowing, nervous, antsy sort of feeling...well I got to experience that seven times - one in each classroom! I am in three 2nd grade classrooms, three 5th grade classrooms, and one 4th grade classroom. And each teacher sees me in different ways, and sees my "role" in the classroom in different ways. So I am constantly switching gears which is interesting and has definitely been a growing experience for me.
I have already been informed that one of the teachers doesn't particularly enjoy having me around - I found this out on my second day. What a self-esteem booster! I don't think (or at least I hope) it is nothing personal about me, but I was told she just finds it annoying to have to come up with things for me to do in her classroom - like it is just one more thing for her to plan for. In some ways I do understand this point of view. Although, I have never been the formal teacher in a classroom of my own, I have had lots of experience "pretending" (I guess you could say) being the full-time teacher during my student teaching. Your time is so limited and it would be hard to plan for another thing. However, I do hope the at least eventually she sees that I am here to help her and not be a hindrance.
Being back in a school setting again has also opened up my mind again to how much I enjoy teaching. There is something so fulfilling knowing that you have helped someone understand something new. One thing that has also been interesting is that attitudes here are just different from what I am used to. Since the last three months I have been at home, with my only
real interaction with people being at church, the last week and a half have been interesting. It just seems like a
harsher world out here. In so many ways, it really makes me appreciate where I grew up in Salem and in Draper. Kids here, and people in general, seem to just have to deal with things that I never have, especially at such an early age. Because of that unfortunately, it just seems like a harsher environment overall. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about being engulfed in it everyday.
Also, being in the school has really brought back to my attention my own beliefs in teaching. Seeing as my role right now seems to observe the teachers a lot more, it has taken me back to what I believe a good teacher should be. And I know I was most definitely not a perfect teacher, but I really did try my best to do some things that I felt were really important and that I am quite passionate about. In fact, this week I have been reminded of the longest paper I ever had to write in college. I know
many will laugh at this, but my major wasn't known for long papers, but it was a ten page paper on my teaching philosophy. I have gone back to this paper many times actually. I wrote it in my freshman year and although I have added some things to it, it generally has remained the same.
I believe that a teacher
must believe in
each and every one of their students and their ability to achieve. If we, as their teachers, do not believe in who they can become and what they can learn, who will? Especially being out here in this environment, it seems that the majority of your classroom is filled with students that don't feel like they have anyone that believes in them. I believe that if you set high expectations for your students and let them know that it is
because of your belief in them, that they will almost always rise up to the challenge. Kids, especially at this young age, have not become bitter toward the world. It is a very short window that they stay in this state, and if you can keep that confidence alive even for one more year, you have made a difference.
Another thing I feel strongly about is working
for and
with your students. Students can tell when you are working hard for them. If they see that you are working hard to make their education great, they will work hard too. Sometimes going that extra mile as a teacher seems completely daunting, and sometimes it can't always be done, but I believe when we
do take those moments to show them that you are willing to work hard for them, they will work hard to learn.
These are probably my two biggest things I believe the most strongly in with education. And I truly hope that no one takes these the wrong way. I have so many friends that are now teachers and I am sure they are wonderful teachers, and I don't mean to be sounding judgmental or anything towards teaching. But from my current point of view, I feel like from what I have observed the last week and a half, these are greatly absent from the classes I am in. It makes me sad to see teachers just give up on students or believe that they are just a "lost cause." And yes - I have heard this phrase more times then I can count during this week and half. It is incredibly hard for me to watch.
Some things I have learned from my orientation with this school I thought I would pass along because I thought they were interesting. Only 30% of the students speak English as their first language. The five biggest languages spoken are: Spanish, Russian, Vietnamese, Arabic and Somali. I do not know ANY of these! So far, it hasn't been too big of an issue. Most of the kiddos are pretty good about sticking to English in the classroom. Over 80% of the students are also on free- or reduced-lunch. It is not the wealthiest of neighborhoods if you catch my drift.
There was a frightening experience that happened on Thursday at the school. One of the fifth grade teachers was working late on Wednesday night when she received a very angry call from a parent. Long story short, the call ended with the parent threatening the life of the teacher. The next day the parent and the whole extended family of the student showed up at the school. This particular teacher's classroom is out in the portable. The family began using pretty much every inappropriate word you should NOT use ever (especially at a school) against the teacher. Police came and certain members of the family were taken away in handcuffs. This teacher was then told by the police that this family is notorious for their defiance towards authority. They basically have all been in and out of jail and it is actually a written rule in the area, that whenever a response is needed at the home, that there must be at least three police cars present. SCARY. This teacher now has to be escorted to her car after school every day as soon as school gets out and is in danger. I must say, when the teacher told me all that had happened, it made me NEVER want to teach here. It didn't even happen to me and I was scared for her. It is a whole new world out here for me. One that at times, I must say, I don't really like.
Every day I go to school, I drive down a street that Mark and I have promised we will never go down at night. It is Colfax Avenue. It is an extremely long and dodgy type of street. You drive down that and you see twelve year olds openly smoking, kids that can't be older then three or four standing by themselves to take public buses, nude dancing institutions, mothers holding their babies with nothing but a diaper on in 25 degree weather. I actually really hate this part of my commute. In fact, there have been times when certain things I see have made me cry. It just makes me so sad to see that for some, this is their life. You want to help them, and yet it seems impossible.
I realize that this probably is the weirdest and most random post I have ever written. It is probably also the longest. I am sorry it is mostly just me rambling on about an array of different things, but they have just been on my mind a lot. I hope that somehow in my job I can do something to help at least one person. But for now, I guess just pray for these little kiddos out here.
