Halloween

Last Saturday we had our annual family Halloween party.  The day was SO full of stuff going on that everything seemed incredibly rushed.  But in the morning we did get a chance to carve our pumpkins.  Jacob loves it more and more every year.  He loved scraping out his pumpkin and then just moved the seeds and "goop" from one bowl to the next.  Love that little boy.  

Sadly, I cleaned out my pumpkin and everything but never got around to actually carving it.  I was very bummed. 

Later that night we had our donuts and apple cider and then once Jacob was in bed we snuggled down to watch Hocus Pocus.  Mark fell asleep holding Sarah about twenty minutes into the movie so I stayed up and watched it by myself.  Not that lively but I guess it happens.  

Tuesday night was our ward's Trunk or Treat.  Jacob was a cowboy and Sarah was an owl.  I think they are pretty much the cutest around.  

Okay, we took SO many pictures of the two of them and EVERY SINGLE PICTURE Jacob had his eyes closed!  What a silly boy.

Once we got to the Church, Mark carried around Sarah in the baby carrier which was perfect because we could just drape her cape around the carrier.  Jacob was ADORABLE for his first time going around.  Before we left I told him we were going to practice saying "trick or treat."  Right after I said that he said, "treat...apples?"  He kept asking for apples all night.  It was so cute.  But he would go around to every car and say "trick-treat" and always followed by a "thank you."  I thought it was adorable and I was proud of my little man.  

Happy Halloween!

Hearing

So we've had some things going on the last couple of weeks that we've kept pretty personal but I wanted to write about it because I want to remember what we've been feeling.  

Six weeks ago this sweet little girl joined our family.  We love our Sarah so much.  Before you are discharged from the hospital one of the things they do is perform a hearing screening.  Sarah didn't pass in her right ear.  They had us schedule a follow-up appointment with the audiology department three weeks later.  

We weren't really concerned about this.  Jacob also didn't pass his initial hearing screening in the hospital.  We went to the follow-up and he passed and we never worried about it again.  Apparently it is fairly common to not pass your initial screening because there could be fluid in the ears still.  So we weren't really worried, especially since we had already gone through it with Jacob.  

On October 1st, we had our follow-up appointment.  Luckily, I had my friend Heather watch Jacob so it was just Sarah and I.  We went and they hooked Sarah up and began testing.

Once the testing was over, the audiologist began to talk to me.  She told me that Sarah didn't pass the test in her right ear again and we would need to do another follow-up.  She assured me that it was most likely still just fluid in her ear that hadn't drained yet and that there was no need to worry.  Of course though - I was worried.  She told me that it could take up to three months before the fluid drained and so until then there was really no need to worry and we would just keep having follow-ups until it passed.  

I left this appointment definitely more worried than I was before but still not that bad.  It was probably just fluid and it would drain and all would be well.  

We had our second follow-up two weeks later on October 15th.  This appointment I had both of the little kiddos with me.  I wasn't really too nervous or anything because Jacob had always been really good at all of my pregnancy appointments.  

They took us back and hooked Sarah up once again and we began the testing.  I could tell something wasn't right.  They asked if they could take her across the hall to try a "different" test.  They did and when they came back they said that she still wasn't passing.  The worry really settled in.  They left to go see if a specialist could come in and look in her ears to see if they could see any fluid or infection.  We went and waited in another room.  The specialist was not very friendly and quickly came in and checked her ears and said that he didn't see anything that would indicate why she wasn't passing but stated that it is very difficult to tell anything with a newborn's ears because their ear canals are quite different at this stage.  

The audiologist then said a phrase that immediately gave me a lot of anxiety, "Let's sit down and make a plan."  I feel like this is the phrase you hear in movies that immediately follows up some horrible diagnosis.  She said that we needed to act fairly quickly.  She wanted me to make an appointment with Sarah's pediatrician to have her tested for cytomegalovirus (CMV).  I was completely unfamiliar with this virus.  She said that it's actually very common but if you get it while pregnant you can pass it on to the baby and it can cause permanent hearing loss.  She said this appointment would need to take place within the next two days.  

She also said that she wanted us to come back in a week to do a three-hour extensive screening to help diagnose what is happening.  

I was devastated.  The appointment ended up taking over three hours.  Jacob had been a gem until about the last hour (but who could blame him - we were ALL done being there).  I kept it together and got home and quickly gave Jacob some lunch and put him down for his nap.

I then held Sarah and just cried.  I felt like fear was totally taking over.  All I could think about was what if Sarah is deaf.  How different her life would be.  How different all of our lives would be.  I then started blaming myself.  What if I did have CMV when I was pregnant.  Did I cause this to happen?  I was confused that just two weeks ago I was told not to worry and now we were making "a plan."  How did things get so serious so quickly.  I felt very alone. 

That night I received a message from my pediatrician that she had heard from the audiologist and we needed to call and schedule an appointment.  She said that she wasn't going to be in for the rest of the week but that someone else would be able to help.  She said that Sarah would need blood drawn and a urine sample to test for the CMV.

We got an appointment two days later.  When we got there everyone seemed really confused as to why we were there.  The first person that met with us was a resident and I told her that all I was told was that she needed to be tested for CMV and that they said they needed a blood and urine sample.  I told her the reason was because she had failed her hearing tests.  Again, they all seemed really confused.  

After examining Sarah they just kept saying that she seemed perfectly healthy.  I told them that I agreed!  Finally, they went and got the attending pediatrician and it turned out to be our pediatrician for Jacob.  We thought she had left because when we had Sarah they gave us to a different pediatrician (that I didn't like nearly as much) and I was so grateful to see her.  

She came in and I explained what was going on again.  She was frustrated and said that this seemed like a major step.  She then explained in more detail what CMV is.  She said that there are many symptoms of CMV and Sarah is displaying none of them other than the potential hearing loss.  She felt like the audiologist was unnecessarily getting us anxious by performing these tests.  She was trying to get a hold of the audiologist to talk to her directly because she didn't want to do these tests on Sarah if she didn't have to.  

She was unable to get a hold of the audiologist and we decided to just go ahead with the tests.  They put a urine bag on Sarah and sent us down to the lab to get her blood drawn.  Once we finally got in there the nurse said she felt "uncomfortable" taking Sarah's blood.  Apparently Sarah got my veins because she said she couldn't find a good vein and wanted us to come back in an hour when another nurse would be there.  Of course, by this point, Sarah is wailing and Jacob is growing very concerned for Sarah and just kept trying to give her her binkie and saying "Saree sad."  Breaks my heart.  

We go back to the room with our pediatrician.  They take off her urine bag and we decided to not go back for the blood sample.  They say that they will contact us when they know the results.  Another three hour appointment.  

I asked Mark if there was any way that he could take off time from his rotation so that he could be with me for her extensive screening appointment.  I felt like I needed the support and wasn't sure if I would be able to keep it together if the news were bad.  And luckily, my friend Heather was able to watch Jacob for us again.  

So on October 23rd we had Sarah's extensive screening.  They took us back into a special room and again hooked Sarah up and began testing once again.  After hours of testing we sat down to "talk."  Our audiologist began with going over the timeline of how things have gone.  She told us that Sarah's case has been confusing.  Because initially she was failing in her right ear for both the hospital and first follow-up visits but then at her second follow-up visit she failed in both of her ears.  

I definitely do not remember ever being told that she had failed in both ears.  Which in a way I was grateful for because I had already been in a dark place after that appointment it would have been much worse had I known that.  

But after she told me that I was so concerned.  It sounded like she was losing her hearing in both ears very quickly.  It was because of her failing both ears that caused "the plan" to be made.  She then brought out some charts showing how the ear works and what could be causing her to fail the tests.  

She then concluded that in her opinion she still thinks it could be fluid in her ears.  Apparently the fluid can move between the two ears which she believes is why Sarah is now failing the hearing test in both ears.  She wants us to wait a month and then come back for further screening.  

To be honest, I don't know what I am feeling at this point.  The audiologist showed us some charts as to where Sarah's screening is and she isn't deaf.  She actually is right below the "normal" line in both ears.  Which the audiologist says is part of the confusing thing because she's just barely in the "concerned" area but she's not in the "okay" area either.  

It's been hard and confusing wrestling with different emotions.  Of course I have tried reminding myself over and over again that there are so many harder things that parents have to see there children go through than this.  But it's still hard.  I also really try and remind myself that this could still just pass.  She can very well just be having a hard time draining the fluid from her ears.  And once it drains she can pass and we can move on.  

Sarah in her hospital gown at the pediatrician.

Going through the anxiety of all of this has shown an interesting light on our marriage.  After I came back from the second follow-up visit and was so scared Mark was amazingly calm when I told him.  He just simply said he had faith that she would be okay.  I admired him so much at that moment.  I had been so overwhelmed with fear that it completely overpowered my faith.  Since then I have been so much calmer.  I feel more at peace with where things are and with where they could go.  I feel like whatever happens will happen and we will be able to get through it together and be stronger for it.  

All I can say now is that I love this sweet girl.  I feel like I say it a hundred times a day and that's still not enough.  She is perfect.  And whatever happens we will be all the stronger for this experience.  

The Kiddos' Room

I am fairly certain that I would never choose to put a newborn and a toddler in the same room together but right now that is what we are doing.  Actually, we haven't technically done it yet because Sarah is still sleeping in our pack n' play in our room but we are planning on making the switch in a couple of weeks (any advice would be greatly appreciated!).  

Anyway, here is the kiddos' room!

Pumpkin Patch

Last Saturday we went to the pumpkin patch!  It was our first family outing with Sarah and it was a blast!  Going to the pumpkin patch is definitely one of my favorite activities of the whole year!

This was our third time going to this pumpkin patch and we absolutely love it!  We went with the Zurchers and it was so fun to watch Jacob with their little Claire.

We had a great time and can't wait to carve our pumpkins in a couple of weeks!

1 Month

This sweet little girl turned one month old on Saturday!  Can you believe it?!  

I cannot.

As far as growth goes, she is just growing!  We are switching her to three month size clothes TODAY!

Here are her stats from her first month:

Birth: 19 1/2 inches tall (53%) and 7 lbs 10 oz (55%).

First doctor's appointment at 4 days old: 19 1/2 inches tall (48%), 7 lbs 4 oz (37%), and 34.9 cm (50%) head circumference.

Second doctor's appointment at 11 days old: 19 1/2 inches tall (39%), 7 lbs 10 oz (44%), and 35.5 cm (57%) head circumference.

She is taking three naps a day and gets up twice at night.  

We love our little Sarah so much.  And she loves to snuggle.  She loves it so much that that is pretty much all she wants to do!  We try and just soak it all in and not think about all of the household things that go undone.  It is such a sweet and short time and we are just loving this little one.  

 We have learned that Sarah is not a fan of the bouncer.  We really don't use it that much but mostly I just liked the idea of her being up and off the ground (since she has an exceptionally active brother in a very small space constantly running around) but Sarah does not like it.  I think the longest she has ever stayed in it is ten minutes which just means that we have more snuggle time!

One thing that has been hard for all of us around here is Sarah has had some "gassy" issues.  Hopefully she won't kill me for publicly writing about this!  Pretty much the more time went by the sadder Sarah got.  Normally, it we just snuggled her for a couple of minutes she would calm down but by about two weeks sometimes that wasn't even enough.  She would just cry and cry and it was so sad to watch.  We got her some "gas" drops and those seem to be helping but she still has a hard time (I am thinking this may be part of her wanting to be held all of the time).  You can tell she just has these moments where she is in a lot of pain and things just don't seem to be moving through as easily as any of us would like.  Poor little girl.  We are hoping it passes soon!

One of the sweetest parts of this last month is seeing Jacob move into his role as a big brother.  We decided before we had Sarah that we just weren't going to push anything with their relationship.  We were just going to let Jacob be as involved as he wanted to be.  At first Jacob was mostly just observant.  But then he started really liking to be involved in "helping."  He loves to get her diapers, wipes, blanket and especially her binkie.  Now whenever she starts crying he will say, "uh-oh" and run and get her binkie for her.  He calls her "Saree" and it is about the cutest thing.  The first thing he says in the morning is, "Where's Saree?"  And it melts my heart every night when he comes and gives her a kiss on the forehead and says "love you, Saree."  Life doesn't get much better than that.  

We were reading stories in Jacob's bed before his nap and Sarah fell asleep.  I got up to put Jacob's books away and he was holding Sarah's binkie in her mouth for her.  Adorable.

We think that Sarah is just about the cutest little girl we've ever seen.  We love her so much and have to resist the urge to just play dress up!  Jacob loves picking out her outfit every day!

We love our sweet little girl.  We feel so incredibly blessed that she has joined our family.  She has brought such a sweet spirit into our home.  We love you, Sarah!  

Happy One Month!!!

26th Birthday

Last Friday was my 26th birthday!  For the most part, it was a day like any other day.  But when Mark got home from work he picked up Jacob and they went and picked up some food from Uno Chicago Grill and it was delicious!  

Mark got me some lovely birthday accessories...

Mark thinks I look like I am about ten years old in this picture...he may be right!

I opened cards and presents and I am so grateful for the wonderful friends and family that I have.  Once we got the kiddos to bed Mark and I had some oreo ice cream cake and fell asleep on the couch.  We know...we are that exciting.  

Part of my birthday present from Mark was a date!  He had arranged for the Zurchers to watch the kiddos Saturday afternoon for us.  I was so excited!  Dates (outside of the house) are extremely rare around here so this was quite a treat.  Mark told me Friday so that I could decide what I wanted to do.  As corny as it sounds, I was just really excited to go out and spend time with Mark - I really didn't care what we did!

So what did we end up doing for two and a half hours - shopping.  We just walked around Target looking at everything and talking about the future.  Yep, we are really this exciting folks.  We bought hangers and everything.  Haha, okay, so it sounds not that fun but we actually had a blast just talking and being with each other.  We then walked around Barnes and Noble and ended the date at Jamba Juice.  It was delightful.  

I love this little family of mine so much!  Thank you for everything!

Ponder the Path of Thy Feet

"I am certain we left our Father with an overwhelming desire to return to Him, that we might gain the exaltation He planned for us and which we ourselves so much wanted.  Although we are left to find and follow that path which lead us back to our Father in Heaven, He did not send us here without direction and guidance.  Rather, He has given us the tools we need, and He will assist us as we seek His help and strive to do all in our power to endure to the end and gain eternal life.  

As we look to Jesus as our Exemplar and as we follow in His footsteps, we can return safely to our Heavenly Father to live with Him forever.  

All of us can walk the path He walked when, with His words ringing in our ears, His Spirit filling our hearts, and His teachings guiding our lives, we choose to follow Him as we journey through mortality.  His example lights the way.

As we strive to place Christ at the center of our lives by learning His words, by following His teachings, and by walking in His path, He has promised to share with us the eternal life that He died to gain.  There is no higher end than this, that we should choose to accept His discipline and become His disciples and do His work throughout our lives.  Nothing else, no other choice we make, can make of us what He can.  

 

We read in Proverbs the admonition, "Ponder thy path of thy feet."  As we do, we will have the faith, even the desire, to walk the path which Jesus walked.  We will have no doubt that we are on a path which our Father would have us follow.  The Savior's example provides a framework for everything that we do, and His words provide an unfailing guide.  His path will take us safely home."

President Thomas S. Monson

Family Rivalry

Last Friday we were a family divided.
It was BYU vs Utah State.
It was girls vs. boys.  

It was a good night to be an Aggie!

Living the Gospel Joyful

Last weekend was the General Women's Meeting and it was fantastic.  I was particularly struck my President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk entitled, "Living the Gospel Joyful."  The whole talk is wonderful and inspiring and gave me so much to think about.  Here are my favorite parts:

"It is good to remember that you are always a child of God.  This knowledge will carry you through the most difficult times in your life and will inspire you to accomplish remarkable things...You will always and forever remain a daughter of God.  Your Heavenly Father has high aspirations for you. 

[Heavenly Father] not only knows what is best for you; He also anxiously wants you to choose what is best for you.  

Once you understand the true nature of God and His commandments, you will also better understand yourselves and the divine purpose of your existence.  With this, your motivation for following the commandments changes, and it becomes your heart's desire to live the gospel joyfully.

You are loved.  You are dear to your heavenly parents.  The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you!  He is mindful of you.  Yes, God loves you this very day and always.  

He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits.  He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles.  He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer.  He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed - even in the midst of growing darkness.  He knows of your sufferings.  He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short of failed.  And still He loves you.  

And God knows of your successes; though they may seem small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them.  He loves you for extending yourself to others.  He loves you for reaching out and helping others bear their heavy burdens - even when you are struggling with your own.  

He knows everything about you.  He sees you clearly - He knows you as you really are.  And He loves you - today and always!

He loves you not only for who you are this very day but also for the person of glory and light you have the potential and the desire to become.  

More than you could ever imagine, He wants you to achieve your destiny - to return to your heavenly home in honor.  

Trust in the saving power of Jesus Christ; keep His laws and commandments.  In other words - live the gospel joyful."

ABC

So sometimes I swear Jacob is a little genius.  Maybe everyone feels this way about their children, but seriously, I wonder sometimes.  All of a sudden, about a month ago he started saying his letters.  The first day I was a little stunned but kind of thought it was a fluke thing.  We have some magnet letters on the fridge and he brought them over to me and said a couple of the letters - and was right!

But then he started knowing all his letters.  The kid is a genius.  Now he just goes around pointing out all the different letters around the house, on his toys, in his books and he gets them right!  I am amazed.  Maybe this is the normal time for that, I really don't know, but either way I am so proud of my little guy.  I am so happy that a whole new world of letters and numbers is opening up for him.  It makes me want to start doing preschool with him right now!  But then I remember that I have a three week old little girl and I think that all just let it be for right now :)

I love this little man. 

Family

We are so lucky that we were able to have lots of family come and visit us after we had our little Sarah.  My Mom was able to be here literally minutes after I delivered Sarah and it was so wonderful to have her here.  She was definitely Jacob's best friend and he was so sad to have her leave.  She was such a big help with Jacob and also just being there for me when Mark had to go back to work.  It was such a comfort to know that I had a little time to ease into things because she was there.  I cannot say thank you enough to her and the service that she gave to me and our little family.  We miss you!

A little over a week after I had Sarah my Dad and sisters were also able to come out and spend some time with us.  They were only here for about a day and a half but we were thankful for the time we got with them. 

And then this last week Mark's Mom was able to come out and stay with us.  It was great to have her here and we are so thankful for her coming and spending some time with us.

We are so thankful for the huge amount of love and support we have received from our family and friends.  We are incredibly blessed.  We love and thank you all!