Jacob's 4th Birthday

Happy 4th Birthday, Jacob!

This not-so-little boy turned four yesterday!  Jacob has been anxiously awaiting his birthday for months and we were so excited to have time to celebrate HIM and how much we love him.  Jacob is bursting with energy at all times.  He is so active and always loves to be doing things but at the same time I am amazed at the concentration he can have when trying to accomplish a task.  He loves to do puzzles, blocks and trains and is definitely interested in figuring out how things work and go together.  He is a great student and loves to learn new things - whatever it is!  He picks up on things quickly and (usually) will follow through with something that may be taking him longer to understand.  He is becoming more social and I have been so proud of him becoming more confident in social situations and communicating more with others.  He is a great helper around the house and enjoys his "jobs".  He is a great big brother to Sarah and is getting better at including her when he plays with his toys.  He is really good at encouraging her in situations where she is nervous and vice versa.  They really do make a great team and their personalities complement each other well.  Jacob likes to be clean and does not like bugs.  You know you are on Jacob's naughty list when he calls you a "BUG!"  Jacob loves to hold hands.  Jacob is our Jacob - and we love everything that makes him - him!

Jacob's favorites things:

Books:  Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne, The Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper, and Alice in Wonderland (Little Golden Book)

Activities:  Trains, blocks, and puzzles

Food:  Soup and ice cream (not together, of course!)

Game:  The Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game

Songs:  "Let it Go" by Idina Menzel, "Pullin' Together" from Saturday's Warrior (or the "Brothers and Sisters Song" as Jacob calls it), and Families Can Be Together Forever

Jacob was so lucky because we got to celebrate his birthday over two days - double the fun!

(Also, complete failure!  I took no pictures after day one!  NONE OF HIS ACTUAL BIRTHDAY!  I did this because everyone else was constantly taking pictures and didn't see the need but I have yet to receive anything so = epic mom failure!  Hopefully more pictures to come!)

On Friday, Grandpa and Grandma Berning came up for the day to visit!  We had a yummy lunch and played a couple rounds of The Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game.  Then Grandpa and Grandma, Dad and Jacob all went to the movies to see "Finding Dory".  They had a great time!  Then we came home and played some more and opened presents.  He loved getting some new trains and puzzles!  Jacob is so lucky to have so many who love him!  Then we had dinner and Grandma made Star Wars cupcakes to top it all off!  It was such a great day to spend together.

Later that night, Grammy, Aunt Melina and Aunt Megan all came to stay the night and spend time with Jacob on Saturday.  

For Jacob's birthday breakfast we had crepes, bacon and orange juice!  YUM!  We then all loaded up and headed to the zoo!  It was truly a perfect day and we had a great time!  I could tell that Jacob was just loving every minute of his day.  We came home and had lunch and settled down for some quiet time before the festivities continued.  

Shortly after lunch, Gramps came and we made the final preparations for Jacob's Star Wars Party!  I asked Jacob months ago what he wanted to do for his birthday party and he voted for a Star Wars Party!  I was a little surprised because he really doesn't know much at all about Star Wars.  He's never seen the movies but Mark did get him a set of Star Wars books for Christmas and that must have been enough!  He's been so excited for his Star Wars Party for months!  

To kick off his party we made galaxy jars!  They turned out so cute and were right up Jacob's alley.  He loves doing experiments and crafts so this was perfect!  They turned out great and the kids love having them in their rooms!

Mark queued up some intense dueling Star Wars music and everyone went out back for some Jedi training with lightsabors.  This was too fun to watch and Jacob was really getting into it.  

Next up was defeating Darth Vader, of course!  We had a pinata and Jacob had fun giving a good couple swings at Darth Vader.  He was taken down and Jacob was stunned when candy came pouring out!  It was so fun and he is definitely enjoying the fruits of the take down!

We then opened presents and, boy, is this little guy spoiled!  I don't know what was his favorite because everything was definitely a hit but he did get a new table and train set, a robot and loads of new books that he is very excited about!  

Afterwards, we had another scrumptious meal followed by birthday cake!  Jacob loved his Darth Vader cake and melts my heart with how big he is getting.  I have seen a lot of growth in Jacob this year - and not just the physical kind!  He is kind and growing up to be such a sweet boy.  We love him and are so proud of who he is.

I hope that your Star Wars birthday was everything you dreamed it would be, buddy.  

I love you more than you'll ever know. 

Father's Day

Mark is such an amazing father.  I feel so blessed to have him be the father of our children.  They are so lucky to have him.  He loves them, he teaches them, he serves them.  He understands his role and fulfills it beautifully.  

Mark had to work Father's Day in Twin Falls and so the kiddos and I decided to surprise him that evening when he got off of his shift.  The kiddos love to go and visit him and stay in the "big house" (hotel).  Mark proved his wonderfulness while we were there.  I had been having an especially hard health day and kind of crashed physically by the time he got there and he swooped in and did everything for the kids and me.  

He is our super man.  I love him more than I ever thought was possible to love someone.  Thank you for being who you are, hun.  Our children (and me!) are so blessed to have you.  

"For me, fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses

and our need to improve.  Fatherhood requires sacrifice,

but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy.

Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father,

who so loved us, His spirit children,

that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation.  

Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this,

that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Fathers manifest that love as

they lay down their lives day by day,

laboring in the service and support of their families."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Blessed Are the Peacemakers

This last week I was preparing my Primary lesson and it was entitled "Blessed Are the Peacemakers".  It's been something that hasn't left my mind.  It was a lesson that I needed to hear and internalize.

My life lately has felt anything but peaceful.  I kind of feel like I am one giant stress ball just trying to keep going most of the time.  The thing that maybe makes me most sad about that, is that I feel like in a lot of ways its been that way for a long time.  When we moved up here we felt like it was the start of a new chapter (which it was!) but also that maybe we were going to be entering a "coasting phase".  I know that life is full of ups and downs and that is how we learn and grow but I think I was at the point where I felt like the Lord had been trying to teach me a lot through some difficult experiences and that maybe I "deserved" a period of coasting.  

Of course, that logic is just silly in a lot of ways.  I found myself almost telling the Lord that I not only needed a break but that I had earned one for making it through some of the stuff we had gone through.  This isn't how the Lord works and if anything seemed to communicate to our Father in Heaven how much I still needed to learn.  

So instead of my season of "coasting", Mark began a job that he wasn't very happy in, in a place two and half hours from our home and I became a single parent again with him gone.  It was difficult.  We were adjusting to a new phase of life and we were having to do it split apart as a family.  I spent way too many nights crying when the house was quiet and I felt alone wondering why the Lord seemed to be giving me so many experiences of feeling alone.  

This isn't the first time I have wrestled with these feelings.  I hate the feeling of loneliness.  But every time I go through these periods of loneliness I slowly (you would think I would come to it quicker given how many times I've wrestled with it) come to realization that it is my loving Heavenly Father urging me to turn to Him more.  That He isn't creating these feelings of loneliness, that I am creating them myself.  

Our family has had a rough go the last year or two.  And I feel bad saying that because I know so many others go through so much worse, but it doesn't make it less hard for our situation.  I have had many people ask me how I do it and I am grateful for their sympathy but at the same time I am a firm believer that my hardships and my problems are not any harder than anyone else's - it doesn't mean that mine aren't hard but just that everyone is going through hard things.  And even though lots of our frustrations over the last little while have been noticeable to others - I know many others are going through things on their own and need help just as much as I do.  

I have noticed a change within myself over the last year or so that I am not at all happy about.  I feel like I am a harder person.  I question things and people more.  I guess some would say that maybe I've just stopped being as naive about the world.  But you know what, I really enjoyed feeling like things were good in the world!  I have found that I am a lot more hesitate to trust that things will work out and I don't like that.  It's not who I want to be and not who I think the Lord wants me to be.  

With all of that going on, it isn't a surprise to me that reading through my Primary lesson one afternoon last week I was so struck by what I was reading.  Being a giant bundle of stress, combined with wrestling with my own personal demons, I struggle also with the feeling of failing as a mother.  It's something I know Satan works hard to hurt me on - and too often I let him win.  But there are definitely days where I feel like I am anything BUT a peacemaker in the home.  There are times when I overreact and am impatient.  Some days I feel like I am fighting some battle within myself that I can never win.  

The lesson explained that "a peacemaker is someone who helps others be happy instead of angry.  Peace means calmness and happiness, so a peacemaker makes a home a calm and happy place to be."  

When I read that, I immediately started crying because I knew that I was not being that for my family recently.  And my patriarchal blessing came to my mind where I am told that I am a peacemaker for my family and I felt like I was not fulfilling one of my roles here on earth.  But the wonderful thing about this moment, even though it was emotional, was that I came to this realization in a way that didn't make me feel so much guilty (even though there was a little of that) but mostly just gave me enlightenment.  I felt like it was Heavenly Father kindly reminding me of something that was within myself that would not only make my family happier, but also me.  

I was hesitate sitting down and writing all of these feelings.  But I decided to for one reason.  I create books out of this blog every year and love looking back on them.  They are both scrapbook as well as journal for me.  And even though there are aspects of this time of life that I would like to forget (like a lot of the negativity about this post) it is also real life for me.  And I shouldn't forget this time and these feelings because it helps mold me and helps me grow.  And, also, should Sarah (or any of my other children) read this in twenty-five years and be wrestling with these same emotions I want them to know that they're not alone.  That life isn't always picture perfect like some "posts" lead it to believe.  We definitely need those times but that's not all life is made up of.  So that's why I decided to write this post.  

I hope that I can rediscover who I am - I felt like I have lost a little bit of that along that way.  Rediscover it and learn and move on.  I hope I can be that peacemaker for myself, for my family and hopefully share that part of me in other aspects of my life.  

Mesa Falls

Two weeks ago, we needed to have some family fun.  We decided to go to Mesa Falls up in the Island Park area - I've spent a fair amount of time up in Island Park but had never been to Mesa Falls so it was exciting for all of us.  

It was a beautiful day and being out in nature always seems to recharge all of us.  The only bad thing was that it was very buggy.  Oh my goodness, we just got eaten alive.  Well, they only pestered everyone else but I got a whopping eight bug bites from a relatively short period outside.  Seriously?!  I must have the blood all bugs like because this seems to always happen to me.  Also, I am a little stressed about the whole Zika virus thing so, trust me, we aren't planning any trips tropical or southern anytime this year.  

Anyway, moving on... ;)

The falls were beautiful and the drive was equally great and relaxing.  Also, Jacob and Sarah saw several squirrels so there was wildlife involved!  Haha!  Family fun for the win!

Oscar Avenue

Since our house is up for sale I figured it was probably time to share pictures of what it looks like!

I cannot tell you how excited we were to buy our first home.  We've since wondered why we felt so prompted to buy since we've only been here seven months but we have loved every second of owning our own home.  

One thing we really love about this house is the layout of the main floor.  Everything seems really big and open to me but I love where the rooms are placed.  There are two rooms in the front but they are kind of tucked back down a hallway which we love because they are close but we also don't feel like we have to be ultra quiet while in the main living areas either.  

There are many many other things that we have loved but the best is a place we could call our own.  Even though it proved to be a much bigger project than we anticipated - we loved how the painting of -essentially- our whole main floor turned out.  We ended up painting the kitchen, main living area, entry way, and the two hallways leading to our bedroom and the other two bedrooms.  Painting really helped make it "ours" plus the splash of color makes me happy.

We had lots of hopes and dreams for this home and although we knew it was most likely not our "forever" home we definitely thought it was going to be our home for a lot longer.  But life has a way of changing things.  We've got a lot on our plate right now but Mark and I both feel confident that this change is going to bring a lot of positive things into our life.  

So, for now, here is our first home.  

We've loved it.

(Also, some of the pictures got a little out of order - oh well!)

Entry way - there was SO much I wanted to eventually do in there but...

Sarah's room

The "office"

Guest bathroom

Main living area

Dining Room

Kitchen

Fireplace in main living area

Mud Room/Laundry Room - loved this room!  Again, lots of potential!

Our Room

Jacob's Room

Guest Room

Kid Bathroom

Utility Room/All of our painting supplies dump room...

Storage Room

Cold Storage Room

Kid Corner Under the Stairs

Unfinished Room

Family Room Downstairs

Master Bathroom

Baby B

We are expecting Baby #3, or as we like to call them, Baby B!

This ultrasound was taken at eight weeks - so here is our little gummy bear!

We are so excited to have another sweet little bundle join our family in December.  

Jacob is very excited to be a big brother again - although he seems to think the baby is actually MULTIPLE babies!  Every couple of days or so I ask him if he thinks it's a baby brother or a baby sister and he always replies with a different combo - today is was three brothers and four sisters!  Let's hope Jacob is wrong!  As fun as multiples would be - I am pretty sure seven babies at one time would kill me!  I am comfortable with just one at a time :)

It's hard to imagine Sarah as not our baby - there will be almost exactly as much difference in age between this little one and Sarah as there is between Jacob and Sarah but she feels so much smaller to me than Jacob did!  We can't wait to see her in her new role as big sister!  I know she will do great!

This little one is so loved.  I love hearing the kids pray for them every night.  I don't know what it is about number three but it feels like we are moving into the big leagues!  We will be outnumbered!

We can't wait to meet you, Baby B!  

Now let's just hope we are settled by the time you get here!

First Picture

Written: May 11, 2016

Today, we got to see Baby B for the first time!

Baby B looked so tiny and just like a little gummy bear!  

Last night, before our appointment, was pretty funny.  I was tucking in Jacob and told him that tomorrow was going to be a really special day.  His face immediately lit up.  I told him that tomorrow we were all going to be able to see Baby B!  His face dropped and he got a very concerned look.  Then he said, "I don't want to go in your tummy!"  I couldn't help but laugh and told him that he didn't have to go back into my tummy.  He still seemed unsure and wasn't nearly as excited about seeing the baby after that.  

Keep growing, Baby B.  

We pray for you every day.  

We love you, little one.  

A New Baby

Written April 13:

Yesterday, I had the greatest, happiest surprise.  A couple months ago Mark and I started talking about growing our family again.  We prayed and talked and prayed some more and felt like it was time.  As always we were concerned about the pregnancy.  Mark's current work situation is definitely no where close to ideal and he especially was concerned about leaving me for days while he was gone in Twin Falls.  This, of course, was also a concern for me but when I get the feeling we should have another baby it is hard for me to put it aside.  I trust those feelings and trust that they come because it's time and somehow it will work out.

For the first time, we didn't get pregnant as easily.  I realize that that is more "normal" than what our experience has been in the past but it was difficult for me to see a negative pregnancy test.  We just trusted that it would happen when it's meant to. 

Then we also received the news that there was an opening for our dream job in the Bear Lake area.  We knew we had to apply and see what happened knowing that that meant the possibility of a move.  It seemed crazy to keep trying with that possibility in the future but we felt peace that we should continue moving forward.

It was still a couple days early but I decided to take a pregnancy test so that I could have Mark home before he left for a six day work week in Twin Falls.  It came back negative again.  I was so sad.  I didn't understand why I felt so certain about having a baby and wasn't being able to.  Again, I knew this was so common but it was all new feelings for me.  Mark comforted me and just confirmed that it would happen when it's meant to. 

The next day Mark left for Twin Falls.  And as the days went by I became more and more uneasy because nothing was happening.  I didn't want to go get another test just to get another negative result.  But finally after several days I couldn't take it anymore and got another test.  I told myself I would wait until morning and I had a really restless night.  I even dreamed that I was pregnant and normally I don't have dreams that mirror my real life like that.  I was so nervous to take the test because I didn't want all of those good feelings to go. 

After I took the test, I waited and prayed, like I always do.  I prayed that I would feel peace with whatever the result was.  When I went back into the bathroom I fully anticipated to see a negative result and immediately started happy crying when I saw a positive.  I was not expecting it at all and was so full of happiness. 

Mark was getting home late that night and I could not wait to tell him the news.  In the past I've always told him immediately and so this was a new experience.  I went down and got a poster from the store and the kids and I decorated it with babies and our due date.  We hung it up on the fireplace knowing that would be the first thing he would see when he came home. 

When I heard the garage door open shortly after midnight I was so excited.  I just sat there on the couch waiting for him to come in.  When he came in I saw his eyes go immediately to the poster and I said, "surprise!"  He couldn't believe it.  And I still couldn't believe it.  We were both so happy and excited for a new little one to join our family. 

So Baby B, know that you so loved and wanted.  We feel blessed and honored that our Heavenly Father is allowing us to have another one of His precious children join our family.  Your brother and sister can't wait to meet you.  Jacob says he wants three baby sisters (let's just hope not all at once!) and we are working with Sarah on not poking baby's eyes.  In another eight months I am sure she'll have figured it out!  We love you.  Stay safe and healthy.  And we can't wait for December - and for forever after that.