I love Conference. I really do. I need Conference. Every six months I am anxiously awaiting General Conference. But I felt like I really needed it this last weekend. The General Woman's Meeting could not have come at a better time.
I feel like I have been more emotional this pregnancy then I was with Jacob - especially last week. I knew I was just getting more frustrated about things than I should have. And then I would feel guilty and feel frustrated that I was frustrated. Oh the endless cycle! I was not a very happy duck.
Can I just gush about Mark for a second? I don't think he is human. Nobody should be as selfless as he is. Really. This semester has been crazy in school. I didn't think the demands of school could get more intense for him and yet, somehow, they did. They have so many expectations on the students this semester. Mark (as I write) is going through a very intense verbal exam for the entire afternoon. He never complains...ever. He just plugs along. The last two weeks (in preparation for this exam) have been particularly intense. He would leave early in the morning to go to school all day and study every spare second he had, come home for dinner and family prayer and scriptures and oftentimes go back to study at school. He studies until three (on average) before coming to bed. How does he even function?!
So it would leave me feeling super cruddy when in my mind I get mad at him when he is late for dinner. Seriously, am I the most selfish person ever?! He comes in happy and ready to help with everything even after he is exhausted and had a very full day (and a full night ahead of him) and I sit there and complain about him being late. Uggg...the guilt.
Then there's Jacob. The child is a rock star...usually. He really is. He spent all of Sacrament Meeting on Sunday looking at the hymn book. What child does that?! There isn't even pictures! But I found myself getting impatient with him over things that are just not that big of a deal. He obviously has his moments when he's not that awesome to be around (tantrums...they are a killer!) but I found myself getting more frustrated about them then just knowing it's his age. Which my rational mind knew but my emotional mind forgets.
The point (I promise I'm getting to it!) of all of this was that by the end of last week I was needing something. A direction or a purpose or something to just make me feel an added measure of the Spirit. And I got it. Conference is amazing. I loved the videos, music and, of course, the messages given in Conference on Saturday. But I especially loved President Henry B. Eyring's talk. Here are my favorite bits that I needed to hear.
"You were tutored by Him before you came into this life. He helped you understand and accept that you would have trials, tests, and opportunities perfectly chosen just for you. You learned that our Father had a plan of happiness to get you safely through those trials and that you would help bring others safely through theirs. This plan is marked by covenants with God.
It is our free choice whether we make and keep those covenants. Only a few of His daughters have the opportunity in this life to even learn of those covenants. You are one of the favored few. You dear sisters, each of you is a daughter in the covenant.
Heavenly Father taught you before you were born about the experiences you would have as you left Him and came to earth. You were taught that the way back home to Him would not be easy. He knew that it would be too hard for you to make the journey without help.
You have been blessed not only to find the way to make those covenants in this life but also to be surrounded by others who will help - who, like you, are covenant daughters of Heavenly Father.
He is pleased every time you try to choose the right. He sees not only what you are but also what you may become.
My Heavenly Father, your Heavenly Father, sees greater potential in His children than we or even our earthly mothers see in us. And whenever you move upward on that path toward your potential, it brings Him happiness. And you can feel His approval.
He sees that glorious potential in all of His daughters, wherever they are.
I have a sure witness that God the Father watches over you in love. He loves each of you. You are His daughters in the covenant. Because He loves you, He will provide the help that you need to move yourself and others upward along the way back to His presence."
Love it. This week has gone so much better than last week for me. I cannot wait to get spiritually stuffed this weekend with more words of directions, comfort and peace. WOOT WOOT!
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