I decided that I needed to do a post about my life as of late...
with a toddler.
First of all, I was incredibly blessed with Jacob. There are a million and one different ways why I feel so blessed that he is a part of our family and I get to be his mother - but one wonderful thing about Jacob was he was a total angel baby. He really was. If I had one word to describe him as a baby it would be content. He was so relaxed about everything and was such a joy to be around. I like to think this was partly just a perk for the nine months of pregnancy in which we did not seem to get along.
When Mark and I decided that we were ready to have our family grow and get pregnant again the biggest topic for us was actually not when the baby got here but the nine months leading up to it. We knew Jacob would be fully into the "toddler phase" but we were optimistic and felt so good about everything we knew it would just work out. And work out it has. But it definitely hasn't been easy.
Oh my goodness, having a toddler is rough work some days. And the truth is, I know that it could be worse. Jacob is still such a gem most of the time. But there are days when it is just hard. The last two or three months have been by far the hardest of my parenting life. I am sure it doesn't help that I am pregnant, not feeling well most of the time, exhausted and in constant fear that our neighbor is going to confront me again about Jacob's "behavior."
About two months ago our neighbor below us started to get more and more vocal about his disapproval of Jacob's behavior. The thing is Jacob loves to jump. I mean I am sure every child does but he jumps and hops everywhere! And he does it when he's happy. He finds a toy he's been looking for - he jumps excitedly - he finishes a puzzle - he jumps excitedly - Dad gets home from work - he jumps excitedly. And it's hard, and I don't think really fair, for me to get mad at him for being excited and happy. Now, I completely understand from our neighbor's point of view that it's probably not something he wants to hear every day. I really do get it. However, the bigger part of me thinks that I've had to hear and put up with things I'd rather not have to too. It's just a part of apartment living. But it still doesn't make things easy.
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| Like when Mark gets home sometimes we get so excited that we run into the fireplace...ouch! |
So I've been torn with trying to be a good neighbor and trying not to be an ever-nagging mother. I swear I say, "let's be soft with our feet!" a hundred times a day. Most of the time I try and just redirect him but it's hard. Plus, when there are so many
other things that actually matter that need correction it's frustrating to have to add another one to the list. Especially one that if we had our own place I would not even think about.
Anyway, that's my rant about feet. People assure me that one day I will look back and smile and laugh about these times in the apartment - and I hope I will. Mark and I cannot wait to have a home of our own. Every day folks - we talk about it every day. That day cannot come soon enough!
The hardest part of adjusting to this period though has been figuring out what kind of a parent I want to be. I don't really know another way of putting it. Of course going into parenting you think about it and you think you are always going to be calm, cool, and collected and of course, always know the right way to react in every situation and unfortunately, for me, that just hasn't happened a lot the last couple of months. I have never felt so lost in how to parent. And I still am so far from knowing all of the answers.
There have been many tears (from both Jacob and me) in figuring all of this out. Figuring out what works for Jacob and what works for me. What I can feel good about doing. And even though I have this grand idea in my head about the kind of mother I want to be - but actually implementing that in a way that works and is real. It's been a learning experience. And definitely the biggest learning experience for me in parenting thus far. I am sure there will be more times like these. More times of reflection and figuring out what works.
I hope that this has had all made sense. I wanted to write something that was real for me. Something to remember this time in my life.
I am very happy though to say that I feel like things are going much better. There are still times of frustration and I still think every day about how I can be a better mother but I finally feel like Jacob and I are understanding one another better. Which, by the way, couldn't have come at a better time since we are very close to little sister joining our family!
So this is what I am learning about having a toddler. It's a learning experience. It tries your patience and can make you question things about yourself. BUT it's also an amazing time! Their personality is just gushing out, you finally are catching really concrete glimpses into how their mind works and operates (and they can even start to tell you themselves!), and they can give some of the best hugs when you really need them.
This video makes me cry every time, and I think I might have shared it before, but it is worth sharing again :)
