Oh Mother's Day. Mark had to work in Twin Falls and so the kidlets and I decided to head down to Draper to spend some time with my family. It's been awhile since I have spent much time with them so I was excited. However, by the time Mother's Day swung around I wasn't feeling too great. Crumby timing.
So I spent my day in my pajamas but my Mom and Dad made such a yummy dinner and Megan and my Grandma Moldenhauer came over and it was great to spend some time with them. This was the first time I had seen my Grandma since my Grandpa's funeral and so it was nice to sit down and spend some time with her.
Mark had sent me some presents for Mother's Day (which was so sweet!) and it was a great day in many ways.
I have been thinking about "motherhood" a lot lately and what it means to me personally. I've never felt like a very ambitious person, I never really made a lot of goals with regards to a career or anything like that. I don't even have a "bucket list"! All I have ever wanted to do was to be a wife and mother. Truly. And I am so grateful every day that I am able to do that. With that, however, I think I have put a lot of pressure on myself. Since this is my one life ambition, I so strongly want to do it "well". I want to be one of those "angel mothers" you here about. But most of the time I just end my day looking back at how I should have handled things better - been more kind, been a better listener, been more patient, etc.
I've realized that a lot of where I feel I stumble throughout the day comes because I am not "present". I think I have thought of that before but always dismissed it because I am always HERE - I am always with my children. But I want to be more apart of their lives - in how they see the world. So that is my goal. I imagine that this will have to be a lifetime goal - but I hope that this year I can really try and focus in on how my children see the world and really try and be apart of THAT.
Because, these two, are so worth all that I can give them.
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